No. 8

The thing about most figures of speech is that they don’t typically signify anything in a literal sense.

For example, are clams actually happy? If you “sleep like a baby” wouldn’t you in fact be waking up hourly to squall and suckle? And what about the familiar expression “I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck”? That old chestnut bantered about during flu season or after a night of heavy drinking. I mean, people obviously aren’t likening a hangover to being smacked by a Mack, right?

Of course not. Well, not most people anyway. But I imagine there are a handful of folks out there who can lend credence to that worn-out platitude through their own personal experience.

As of last Saturday I can count myself among them.

Lucky me.

It was one of those early-summer weekends that are vouchsafed to us as gift, an apology maybe, for the imminent heat and humidity of July through September. The breeze was fresh and cool, the temperature temperate, the sky painted in the blue of childhood summer vacations; the kind of weekend that screamed, “Ride em if ya got em, boys!”

That was all I wanted out of my Saturday: a nice, leisurely ride about town on my bicycle. It had been raining the weekend before and the one before that I’d had friends in town so it was going on the better part of three weeks since I’d last been out. And with the weather about to take a turn towards the hellish I admit to feeling a touch of desperation.

Maybe that was the problem. You want something too badly and it clouds your judgment; impairs your perception and makes you susceptible to being blindsided.

I didn’t see the truck coming. There were two vans parked at the curb and I – incredibly stupidly – took the crosswalk blind. Sure I had the green but this is Korea. The Koreans are a lot of great things, but safe driver’s aint one of them.

When he hit me – flush on my left side – I went airborne. No doubt through years of action movie conditioning it was like I could see my body in third-person spinning, none too gracefully, head-over-heels and spilling, with equal awkwardness, all over the asphalt. I rolled a few times and staggered to my feet. I’d been hit with enough force to have my wallet knocked outta my back pocket; coins were gleaming in the sun. My bike was totaled. I was bleeding hard from my foot.

I was pretty banged up and would need near twenty stitches in my heel but, rather miraculously, no broken bones. In fact, I’ve yet to break a bone, so I’ve still got that going for me. But I think this has effectively put the kibosh on my dreams of becoming a professional foot model.

All in all I count myself lucky. Well, as lucky as you can count yerself when getting hit by a truck is involved. It sure could’ve been a lot worse.